Colton Haynes, who decided to bare his soul in his recently released memoir ‘Miss Memory Lane: A Memoir', opened up about the prejudices he had to face in the industry as an openly gay man along with his childhood traumas.
In a recent interview, the actor admitted that he's great at talking about serious topics but terrible at small conversation. The audience will learn about the elements of the performers that he had never revealed before, such as drug addict parents who met in treatment and sort of fled and had this crazy love story, in his memoir. Colton Haynes' mother was an alcoholic and his father was absent, according to his memoir, and when he was sexually molested for the first time at the age of six by his uncle, he internalized the shame, which subsequently turned into fury.
When it comes to guilt and resentment, Colton Haynes says he's always felt like he was trying to prove something, and now that he's 34, he realizes that a lot of the difficulties he had or had to overcome as a youngster are still with him. His people informed the actor who said he went back into the closet when he moved to Hollywood that his sexuality would be a detriment to his employment chances. Colton Haynes took courses to improve his voice and demeanor but mentioned that his first job in LA was a sex operator and added that it has good money.
The actor said that before he came to LA, he could wear anything he liked, but things changed when he was working to make his name in the industry, and so he did whatever he could to numb himself, and then his drinking and drugs crept upon him. He revealed that his mother’s death in 2018 drove him back to drinking and explained that after six months, everyone kept telling him that he should get back to living, but Colton Haynes said that he just wanted to drink and grieve because after he lost her, he felt like he could not live anymore. Colton Haynes explained that they did have a complicated relationship, but that he loved his mother very much.
Colton Haynes characterized his memoir as years of mental warfare and the worst experience of his life since writing it was the toughest thing he had ever had to do, and he didn't get any sleep, he added. He repainted his office every other week to avoid writing the book but reviewing the next two months after completing it allowed him to see the wider image, which he regarded as the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.
The actor, who is known for his performances in Teen Wolf and Arrow, said that writing his memoir helped him reconnect with himself after he lost touch with himself due to the infinite quantities of drugs and booze he was seeking, something he could never achieve. Many LGBTQIA+ individuals can relate to Colton Haynes' growing-up experience of not feeling loved the way they wanted to be loved, and when it came to him, he started exploiting his body to receive the attention he felt was love.
The actor writes in his memoir that sex was not an expression of love for him, but rather a means to accomplish what he wanted. He recounts attempting to reclaim his father's affection, which he never received, and finally finding it in older men. He began a connection with a 42-year-old police officer when he was 14 years old, and he claimed that anytime he left the relationship, he felt as if his father had died.
Colton Haynes was brought to the hospital in 2018 after overdosing on Xanax, and after recovering, he was finally able to enter treatment, something he'd thought about but had never done before. He stated that it was past time for him to start acting like an adult and accepting responsibility for his actions, as well as learning that there is a better way to live life. He subsequently said that instead of attempting to gain attention from strangers, he understood that all he needed was a cat.
Colton Haynes believes that his memoir will serve as a source of inspiration for gay youth and anybody else who needs it. He stated that this is especially for those who need affection and attention, as well as those who would break their arm simply to have someone sign their cast, and so on. The actor only wants others to understand that they are deserving of love without the accompanying anguish. The memoir is dark and intense, including moments of sexual encounter and genuine Colton Haynes events.
When asked why he decided to write it, he explained that he met a young queer kid at the comic convention who made him realize that he was ashamed of a lot of things that had happened publicly years ago, and he reasoned that writing it down would help him come to terms with his past and move forward.
His two-year marriage to Jeff Leatham is not mentioned in his memoir, and the actor claims that he is bound by a nondisclosure and confidentiality agreement that prevents him from discussing their romance, marriage, and subsequent divorce.
‘Miss Memory Lane: A Memoir' is out now.