Jennette McCurdy details her experience of seeking therapy after her mother, Debra McCurdy, passed away. image Source: Cinema Blend
Jennette McCurdy details her experience of seeking therapy after her mother, Debra McCurdy, passed away.
The actress writes in her memoir "I’m Glad My Mom Died" that after Debra McCurdy passed away, she started to throw up her food like she would shove her fingers down her throat and make herself vomit just after eating a meal because she wanted to stay slim, feel valuable, and good, and she started to realize that what she was doing was not healthy and sought therapy when she was no longer in a position to deny what was happening to her like alcohol consumption and bulimia and the grief over Debra’s passing away.
Jennette detailed that her therapist was the first one to point out how Debra’s behavior towards her, including her encouraging the actress’ anorexia, had been unhealthy and described it as abuse.
The actress wrote that the therapist made her realize that her whole life, her entire existence, which had been oriented to the narrative that her mother wanted the best for her, knew what was best for her, her entire life, her entire point of view, and identity had been built on a false foundation. She quit therapy after a while and later found out that her mother had lied to her about her father because the one Jennette thought was his father was not biologically related to her.
When she was in recovery, Jennette said that she thought of her mother and how she did not want to be like her or spend her life chewing granola bars and steaming vegetables. The actress wrote that she promised herself that her mother could not get a better life, but she would. Jennette McCurdy decided to quit acting in 2018 and states that the title of her memoir says all about how she feels about her mother today.
The actress writes in her memoir that her mom emotionally, mentally, and physically abused her in ways that will forever impact her. She gave her breast and vaginal exams until she was seventeen years old and added that when she was six years old, she pushed me into a career she didn’t want. She taught her an eating disorder when she was eleven years old -- an eating disorder that robbed the actress of her joy and any amount of free-spiritedness that she had. She never told her that her father was not her father.
In the following passage from the excerpt, Jennette continues Debra, her mother, passed away, leaving her with more questions than answers, more suffering than relief, and multiple layers of grief: the initial grief over her death, the grief over accepting her exploitation and abuse of her, and finally the grief that comes to the surface now whenever she misses her and begins to cry—because she does still miss her and begin to cry. Jennette asserted that her mother was adamantly opposed to altering her ways. She would keep doing everything to convince her to do something if she were still alive.
Jennette continued that she’d still be purging or restricting or binging or some combination of the three, and she’d still be endorsing it and she’d still be forcing herself to act, miserably going through the motions of performing on shiny sitcoms. There’s a good chance that she would’ve had a complete and public mental breakdown by this point, and the actress would still be deeply unhappy and severely mentally unhealthy.
Jennette McCurdy expressed her desire for her co-star and singer Ariana Grande to read her memoir in an interview with ET's Rachel Smith. The singer was permitted to leave days of work to pursue her singing career, and the actress-singer Jennette admitted feeling envious of this in her biography.
Jennette claims that she was informed that Ariana would not be present at all and that her character would be in a box in the episodes to make up for her absence, which upset Jennette. She continued by saying that she had to turn down many opportunities while Ariana Grande was permitted to pursue her music career and perform at the Billboard Music Awards. She said that while she was on iCarly, she had two feature film bookings that she was forced to reject because the show's writers wouldn't let her go. Jennette claimed that this left her wondering why Ariana Grande was permitted to pursue her passions but she was not.
Jennette McCurdy started to dislike being a good sport, even though she was frequently complimented for it, as a result of the circumstance. She added that she wouldn't be in this situation if she weren't such a good sport in the first place, and she wouldn't be on the shitty program saying these shitty lines on this shitty set with this terrible haircut. Jennette said that perhaps her life right now would be completely different, and she had dreamed about it being different, but it's not different, it's the way it was. In her sample, Jennette said that Ariana avoids work to pursue her music career while acting with a box. She expressed her rage, anger at Ariana, and envy for her.
Jennette McCurdy and Ariana Grande. Image Source: TV Series Finale
A final breaking point came for Jennette after Ariana came whistle-toning in with excitement because she had spent the previous evening playing charades at Tom Hanks’s house. Jennette described that that was the moment she broke and recalled that she couldn’t take it anymore. Music performances and magazine covers... whatever, she could have gotten over it. But playing a family game at National Treasure, two-time Academy Award–winner and six-time nominee Tom Hanks’ house? She was done. Jennette said in her memoir that after that incident, every time Ariana missesd work, it felt like a personal attack to her, every time something exciting happened to her, she felt like she robbed her of having that experience.
From that point on, Jennette McCurdy claims that she wasn't a fan of her and was unable to like her. The actress lastly shared that she was okay with pop star success and could manage all of that but hanging out with Forrest F**king Gump and Sheriff Woody, she couldn't.
I'm Glad My Mom Died is now available.
